Interviewing the Harry Potter charecters: Snape
by Lightscript
Summary: Hi guys, I have a special treat for all you fanfiction lovers out there, I have kidnapped Snape and forced him to read fanfiction, Muwahahaha! *Que evil music* These are his views. Also in chappie 2 more people pop in to say hi! There will be a new character each time so look out for them! Please read and review! Promise you this is quite funny although Snape is a bit ooc. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Me**: Hello to all you readers out there! Have you ever wondered what Severus Snape's reaction would be too all the various ships and what he would say? Well I have so what did I do? I kidnapped Snape! Hey hey it looks like he is waking up!

**Snape**:..Hmm... pillow…ha..hmm..huh…what!? who are you and where the hell am I?

**Me**:Hi and welcome to the world of Fandom!

**Snape**:?

**Me**:let me explain, fanfiction is where people write and rave about their favourite characters!

**Snape**:…So what am I doing here

**Me**:you are here to amuse me muwahahahahaha

**Snape**:…okay... hey Hey, wait!

**Me**: hahaha... wait what! What! What could make you, Severus Snape sound so excited!

**Snape**: well the fact you have written me extremely out of character, the fact that you whacked me so hard with that thing you muggles call a baseball bat that you may have given me brain damage and also the fact you forgot a disclaimer!

**Me**: oops so I did sorry guys, kay Harry Potter and the potter universe don't belong too me they belong to the fantabulous J. K. Rowling! Except Snape I have kidnapped him so at the moment he is mine! (don't worry I will give him back) but not until we've had a bit of fun with him! ;-D

**Snape: *looks scared***

**Me**: an….

**Snape**:hey no I don't look scared! Stop writing me so out of character! You're worse than Rita Skeeter I swear at least….

**Me**:Anyway lets get no to the point of this conversation

**Snape**: Kidnapping

**Me**: No, conversation!

**Snape**:Snape-napping

**Me**: okay first ship is…. Snape and Harry!

**Snape**:What! Seriously me and Potter, let me look…. Dfgfd

Fdgfdgiopiopui;lkjgvlgser

fhjhgsrFd

Gfreyt

Dgdghgthfgjhgkjhdslfiuao;ireutp;or;eogaiuae-32-[ow efjo!dtja0

**Me**: give it back ***wrenches computer of a shocked Snape*** sorry about that somebody.. ***glares at Snape*** nicked the computer

**Snape**: but why would people write about that its disgusting !

**Me**:haha this is fun, okay next one, Severus Snape and…Minerva Mcgonegall

**Snape**:…..

**Me**: No reaction?

**Snape**: Nah, she's kinda hot

**Me**: Seriously! Mcgonegall!

**Snape**: ***blushes*** Next one, next one

**Me**: okay Snape and Hermione Granger

**Snape**: Whaat! The insufferable-know-it-all!?

**Me**: Seriously? You think Mcgonagalls hotter?

**Snape**: ***mutters into his long greasy hair***

**Snape**: ***reading over my shoulder*** Hey what! My hair isn't Greasy its soft! Look! Touch it!

**Me**: Oh yeah its kinda nice! What shampoo do you use?

**Snape**: L'oreal..

**Snape & Me**: Because you're worth it!

**Hermione**: Seriously guys?

**Snape**: Aaah!

**Me**: Oh yeah I forgot too tell you, I kidnapped Hermione too!

**Hermione**: Yes well, did you know fantabulous isn't a word? And neither is Snape-napping.

**Snape**: ***Continues to quail***

**Me**: Okay... Well that wasn't a very long interview but Snape has run off and I better go find him or J. K. Rowling will get cross at me for losing him! And Hermione! ***winks***

**Hermione**: Eurgh, that's horrible, it's Ron I love!

**Me**: ...Err well you do know that's the most hated fanfiction ship…..

**Hermione**: What! But…

**Me**: Anyhoo I will be back soon with more what the Harry Potter characters think of Fanfiction ships, that was Snape part one, there will be a part two because he ran off before I could continue tortur-I mean questioning him! However there is a catch! If you like this and you want to read more then drop a review! I know people read this I have stats but most of you don't review! It will be discontinued if I don't have enough reviews and plus if you review I will be nice and will probably be quite likely too check who this lovely reviewer is and will most likely read their stories and review them! Please please drop a review I don't mind what it is you want to say, just leave a comment and I will be eternally greatful! You'know a little tiny peice of my soul dies when you lots read my story and you don't leave a review! :-(

-Lightscript xox ;-)


	2. Chapter 2

Me: Hello my lovely readers, sorry this is so late, I lost my memory stick. Thank you soo much to the seven who reviewed, you are wonderful people but to the rest of you… I am not happy, not happy at all! It is mean! But good news! I found Snape! He was hiding in my wardrobe-

Snape: Wash your socks! They stink an-

Me: shut up Snape!

Snape: Excuse me! ***glares***

Me: Eek! I forgot how scary you are when you're angry!

Snape: You've seen nothing yet! Now write the disclaimer about how you don't own-

Me: Yeah, Yeah I know, don't rub it in. I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters, I make nothing from this-

Snape: Whereas J. K. Rowling earns about a thousand a day!

Me: ***glares at Snape*** Anyway, as I was saying, Harry Potter and Snape belong to J. K. Rowling -

Snape: You'know in most places kidnap is illegal.

Me: Where is it not?

Snape: Voldieland

Me: ?

Snape: You'know, Voldemorts dream land…

Me: Voldemorts has a dream land?

Snape: Not literally, I was making a joke, foolish child.

Me: Well leave the jokes to me, you suck!

Snape: ***looks offended*** I'm new to this, I'm the evil potions teacher remember?!

Me: Aww Snape are you losing the snarkiness I adore?

Snape: ***Jumps away*** Eurgh! Affection! Disgusting!

Me: Lol you are weird!

Snape: Says you!

Me: Anyway, what was your point about kidnap?

Snape: You kidnapped me, I could call the police on you, it's a federal crime!

Me: You're a fictional character, you don't count!

Snape: ***Huffs*** Discrimination!

Me: So, to the point of this interview!

Snape: Snape-napping

Me: You said that last week! Stop being so repetitive!

Snape: Well at least I don't Snape-nap!

Me: Arrgh I give up!

Snape: ***Grins smugly***

Me: Bu-

Snape: Wait, is the insufferable-know-it-all here?

Me: You mean Hermione?

Snape: That's what I said

Me: No you didn't!

Snape: Err, yes I did

Me: But, but

Snape: Butts are for goats my dear.

Goat: Meeeeh ***Butts Snape***

Snape: Hey! Where did that come from?

Me: Haha, I own this fanfic! The goat came from the deep recesses of my mind.

Snape: That's the best you could come up with?

Me: No ***Mutters***

Snape: Send it away, its chewing my robes!

Me: Hahahahahahahaha

Snape: You're weird!

Me: Says you!

Snape: Shut up, that was mean ***weeps***

Snape: OI! I AM NOT WEEPING!

Me: okay, okay dude chill!

Snape: ***reading*** Hmmm, excessive use of explanation marks, your grammar is rubbish!

Me: What is your problem!

Snape: You kidnapped me!

Me: Yeah, so…

Snape: What do you mean so?!

Me: you are gonna have a heart failure if you keep getting so worked up, you mark my words-

Snape: F-I failed you.

Me: …..

Snape: ***Smirks***

Me: Hey, that was pretty good actually!

Snape: ***Preens***

Snape: Hey, I don't preen! I leave that to Lucius Malfoy!

Lucius! OI!

Snape: What the hell are you doing here!

Lucius: ***Shrugs*** Ask her ***Points***

Luna: Hey since when do Malfoys shrug?

Lucius: ***Shrugs*** since our writer is lazy

Me: :-(

Snape: Why is everyone showing up here!

Me: Now who is over using '!' marks?!

Ron: Take that you slimy git!

Snape: What is going on here!

Draco: PARTY!

Everyone: Go away Draco, no-one loves you!

Draco: ***pouts***

Harry: Whooo, this is gonna be great!

Batman: Sure is!

Luna: Why are you here, you're not even in this book-

Batman: ***Vanishes***

Ron: cool!

Snape: EVERYBODY, LE- *BOOM* (***A big explosion happens***)

The Joker: Well hello there everybody, why so serious?

Ron: What the bloody hell are you doing here?

The Joker: The writer loves me ***Winks at the Author***

Me: ***Blushes*** Joker! You are awesome!

The Joker: Why thank you my dear, you should drop round to Gotham some time and maybe, blow up a couple of buildings, yeah?

Me: Sure, it's a date!

The Joker: ***Winks*** I'll tell you about how I got my scars.

Me: Ooo, Yay! Hey, you smell amazing what is that?

Snape and The Joker: It's the lynx affect.

Me: Wow.

Snape: Now all you people leave, its my time in the limelight, since my youth I have been unloved and overlooked and now….

Everybody: Zzzz

Snape: ***Glares*** Just go away!

Me: bye!

Everyone: ***Leaves***

Me: I'm Kinda tired do you wa-

Snape: Take a break. Have a kitkat

Me: Ha tha-

Snape: JUST. DO. IT.

Me: You are really getting into this but seriously, do you want a drink- Coffee, tea, water- do you like energy drinks? Red bull-

Snape: It gives you wiings.

Me: Dude enough, we need to discuss the ships!

Snape: Huh. Fine, but why am I so out of character, wait I know! Its because you are a rubbish writer!

Me: (Sarcastically) Yeah, that snarkiness was sooo out of character

Snape Stop getting distracted!

Me: Okay, Snape and Ron?

Snape: Ron? Who's he?

Me: Seriously dude? Ron? Ron Weasley?

Snape: Oh the ginger weasel! Ewww, thats just, just, just why?

Me: Hahahaha okay next one, Snape and Lucius Malfoy,

Snape: Lucius? No, Luscious is my friend, he-

Me: Hahahaha you just called him luscious! Lol!

Snape: No dammit, that wasn't me, that was your bad spelling!

Me: Yeah okay sorry, Lucius. Okay, next pairing is Snape and Bellatrix!

Snape: You have got to be joking, I wouldn't go near her with a ten foot broom! Why do people pair us like this!

Me: Well you are both dark and weird people who like black and work for Voldemort and you both hate Sirius Black and-

Snape: Enough, I get the point but still. No.

Me: Okay then, Snape and the whomping willow.

Snape: ?

Me: ;-D

Snape: I am speechless with the idiocy of some people! (A/N: I apologise to all of you Snape/Willow shippers out there, I think you're cool!) (S/N: Well I disagree!)

Me: Fine, okay, your views on Snape and Trelawny…

Snape:Well what do you think Beetlebrain, she is weird and she looks like a trolls behind!

Me: That was a bit mean! And plus it takes one takes one to know one!

Audience: Oooh!

Snape: Yeah well you are so ugly when people look at you they are turned to stone!

Audience: Oooh!

Me: Well you're so thick, you climbed over a glass wall just to see what was on the other side!

Audience: Oooh!

Snape: You're so short you could commit suicide by jumping off the pavement!

Audience: Oooh!

Me: You're so fat you could block up a black hole!

Audience: Oooh!

Me and Snape: SHUT UP!

Audience: :-(

Me: Well at least people don't pair me up with Dumbledore!

Snape: Arrgh! You're kidding right! I'm not gay! And Duumbledore, well, he's old! And don't get me started on that beard!

Me: Hee hee, you're gonna love this one! Snape aaaaaaand… Voldemort!

Snape: Aaaaaaah! What! But that's disgusting, why would anyone do that!

Me: Yup, there's this really sweet one were you and him are talking about death and you say if he died you would miss him because you lo-

Snape: Nooooo! ***Tackles author to the floor***

Me: Ouch! Hey, look it's here on the comput-

Snape: ***Grabs computer*** lemme see…. Arrgh! What! No! Evil machine, AVADA KEDAVRA!

...

Me: I apologize for that' Snape tried to kill my computer. He is sitting on the naughty step.

Snape: I'm not a three year old!

Me: Say good bye to the nice readers Snapey ***Snape growls***'cuz that's the end of our interview

Snape: Good riddance!

Me: That was fun, who shall I interview next guys, drop me a review to tell me who! I love hearing from you all, comments, criticisms and ideas-but no flames, they will be used to brew Voldemort polyjuice potion so I can terrify the hell outta Snape! Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed it and thanks once more to my wonderful seven reviewers! You are wonderful, the rest of you are lazy (No offence, please review!) Tell me who you want me to borrow

Snape: ***cough cough*** Kidnap ***Cough***

Me: Go away, your time is up!

Snape: :-(

Me: Anyhoo. See you next time guys! I have a date with a certain scarred gotham charecter! ;-D

-Lightscript xox


End file.
